Green

Jealousy is such a disgusting horrible little monster. It creeps up anytime it wants to and in tons of different situations. Why are some people more prone than others to develop jealous tendencies? Why do people have to go around ruining peoples trust and causing them to live a life full of this green eyed monster? That is NOT fair at all. Yes, I know what you are saying, LIFE IS NOT FAIR. Get over it right? I am one of those people. My trust of people was broken long long ago, and was chipped away even more with every friendship, and every relationship that followed. Friends never hold up their end of the bargain, they just come in and out of your life and don't make you the real friend that they were to you. Maybe every other female just wants aquaintances and one great best wonderful devoted friend is not enough. They need more more more. For me aquaintances are fine, but I want my one best friend in the whole world. I need more from her than I need from most people, but thats how I am. I'd rather get every bit of friendship from her, and give her all of mine than have a smidgen from a lot of people. Thus the reason the green eyed monster shows itself in that area. Men are a whole other ball game. They use, lie, cheat, abuse, and take the life right out of you and then you finally get smart and you go. But not quick enough to not lose that one more tid bit of trust you had left in you. They build up all this trust of yours and then they snatch it away and expect to just get it back when they want it. I can't do that well. I am not a good forgiver. Yes, I suck. Trust is something you must earn back when you are the reason it's gone. Don't get me wrong, my own husband had more trust from me than anyone in my life in the beginning. Then things happened and it was lost. It is however slowly building back up. He proves he loves me sometimes out of the blue. I wish this green eyed monster would just leave me and my family and my friendships alone.