Just Rip it Out and Stomp on It.

Ok I use this blog to vent. To Share my feelings so my heart and head don’t explode. Writing afterall, is a very strong way to think through things and release them. If you are one of those people who has everything perfect in their life you shouldn’t read my blog today. If you are one of those people that has had a perfect life and naively trust every single person no matter what they do to you, don’t read this blog today. If you are one of those people that thinks my husband is innocent and perfect and I’m a jealous bitch, then don’t read this blog. Because I put it all out there. Not many people read this blog. So I post my real harsh honest feelings on it and hope no one has the nerve to judge me because I have feelings. Some people know that me and Chris had a really rough time last summer and things got really bad there for a bit. Things were done and no one could believe that I would stick around, but I did. No matter how hard I try the images and things I read seem to be imbedded in my brain forever. The last thing that I know for sure happened just 2 weeks after we got married. Now it has been months, and something happened again last week. And I guess if you didn’t know what happened with us in the past you probably wouldn’t think it is as detrimental as it is to ME. But nonetheless, it’s stabbing me right in the heart. Like there was anywhere left in my heart left unhurt. Well right now my husband is not working. Which is not good, but it’s fine. I don’t judge him or get mad at him for that. Yes we are broke, but it is not his fault he lost this job, so I am not mad at HIM. Just sad because of our current money situation. So here I am supporting us both, of course with a little help from family, but still. I’m working everyday, and he is home. But it is ok. But then I find on the cell phone bill MULTIPLE calls RECENTLY to some local cell phone number. There are recent calls to this number 20 minutes long, and even one that is 67 FREAKIN’ minutes long. So I come to find out, or at least this is what I’m told, that it is some girl that is a massage therapist. He talked to her for over an hour that time and 20 minutes one time and several other times and says it was all about the massage biz. That she wanted to ask him (who has been out of the biz for a long while now) questions about the biz. He says that he knew it was not ok, so I don’t have to worry cause he’s not going to talk to her again. HA! The fact is that you did it in the first place. Knowing that it was NOT ok. Knowing I’m sitting here stressed out and supporting us so he doesn’t go to jail for missing child support and he has the NERVE to use the cell phone I pay for to have LONG ass phone calls with some other chick. Behind my back! Cause when I am home, he kept getting missed calls from the number, cause his phone was on SILENT so I wouldn’t hear her calling him. And when I asked him about the calls he said it was when he was looking for a job. And so I said, I wouldn’t have brought it up if I didn’t know what it was, so I’m gonna give you one chance to tell the truth. And that’s when he gave me his STORY. So he didn’t even tell me about it till I busted him. Again. But I’m supposed to just say OK, well since you knew it was wrong, oh well. It’s ok. HA! Whether or not he had a job or not, I would still be very angry about this. Because yet again, he is acting like he can do whatever he wants, continue to act single, and yet I'll just say OK. I'll have to write more another day. I'm too mad to continute right now.