Frustration is getting worse. HE wants me to find these deep repressed feelings I have and fix them. And he wants to fix things. BUT he won't come home, won't even PLAN a time to come home, won't wear his ring, won't have talks with me, won't see me much, won't go to counselling. Yet he swears he wants to fix things. He wants me to fix me (which apparently he thinks is WAY fucked up) and then we can be together again.
I don't think I have repressed feelings. I think I have things from my past that have completely affected my life that I can't seem to get past. They are not repressed, but they are there and I don't know how to make them go away. It's not like I'm supposed to just forget my life before now. So what in the world does he want me to do? And HE is just as messed up as I am, if not more so. He knows this. If we are not together, how do we know each of us is changing? I know all my issues revolve around trust and not being able to rely on people. So isn't him being gone totally the opposite of helping? I apparently can't rely on him to be here or trust that he has my back. Because he's not even here. I want to fix things. I want to just be together, not necessarily living together next week or anything, but I know we needed this time apart. It helped tremendously. But now it's time to either step up or go on. HE says he wants to work it out, so DO IT. You do NOT get breaks from marriage!
1 comment:
Michelle I know you don't want to hear this and I say it sincerely and not to hurt you persay but he DOES NOT want to work it out! It is obvious from your posts. He wants his cake and to eat it do. Get out of it for your own mental health and for your child! You deserve better! Please don't be mad at me for saying this. I went through this very thing with my ex husband for a long time. I could not see for myself how he really was. Just how I wanted him to be. I knew all along but people do not change!!!
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