Saturday, July 21, 2012
Saturday
Better. After sleeping mostly from 6 last night til 9 this morning I feel a little better. Helped to get my feelings out last night on think tank. Today I woke up not as exhausted mentally. Ready to try. Sometimes I have to reboot to go on living. We went outside as a family for a little bit. Soaked up some vitamin D and just breathed and giggled w the kids. Folding laundry and movie watching w the hubby filled the rest of the morning. Clean sheets. Great breakfast smoothie. Off to a good start.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Screaming.
Words.
Numbness. From the inside out its like feeling through gloved hands. That's how I feel like I live life. I smile on the outside even when I feel the darkness creeping on the inside. I laugh when I hurt. Something takes away the brightness of everything I should be feeling. Most of the time I can fight it off, but sometimes I cannot. I'm so tired. Sometimes I get to a level of exhaustion that I can't fight it off any longer. Like falling off the edge of the cliff and you just can't hang on any longer. People look at you, talk to you, even appear to listen. But they don't hear me. They don't see what's on the inside. Most don't want to. They don't care to know. It will burst their little bubble lives and totally go over their narrow minds. Thinking nonstop is so tiring. Mental exhaustion brings you down just as much as physical, if not more. Why can't anyone hear me scream from the inside? Can they see the pain inside? Why do I have to feel it at all? I have no reason to be depressed. So why does the darkness invade?
Numbness. From the inside out its like feeling through gloved hands. That's how I feel like I live life. I smile on the outside even when I feel the darkness creeping on the inside. I laugh when I hurt. Something takes away the brightness of everything I should be feeling. Most of the time I can fight it off, but sometimes I cannot. I'm so tired. Sometimes I get to a level of exhaustion that I can't fight it off any longer. Like falling off the edge of the cliff and you just can't hang on any longer. People look at you, talk to you, even appear to listen. But they don't hear me. They don't see what's on the inside. Most don't want to. They don't care to know. It will burst their little bubble lives and totally go over their narrow minds. Thinking nonstop is so tiring. Mental exhaustion brings you down just as much as physical, if not more. Why can't anyone hear me scream from the inside? Can they see the pain inside? Why do I have to feel it at all? I have no reason to be depressed. So why does the darkness invade?
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
32?!
32?
Where did the time go? Life is flying by. The kids are growing up too fast: almost 5 yrs and 2 yrs old! Geez! The hubby is already 40! And we've been married for 4 1/2 years already?! What!? Time needs to slow down already.
Life Goals to begin in this 32nd year? Self Growth is tops. Religious knowledge exploration and growth. Less TV. More Physical Activity. Continue my healthy eating with less and less cheats. COOK more. More one on one or one on two time with the kids. Really help push the kids growth/knowledge and my husbands also. Learn to be more satisfied with what I have.
Where did the time go? Life is flying by. The kids are growing up too fast: almost 5 yrs and 2 yrs old! Geez! The hubby is already 40! And we've been married for 4 1/2 years already?! What!? Time needs to slow down already.
Life Goals to begin in this 32nd year? Self Growth is tops. Religious knowledge exploration and growth. Less TV. More Physical Activity. Continue my healthy eating with less and less cheats. COOK more. More one on one or one on two time with the kids. Really help push the kids growth/knowledge and my husbands also. Learn to be more satisfied with what I have.
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