Broken Promises

Why is it that people can never keep their word? Is there a sign on my forehead that says HEY COME HERE AND USE ME!! I have been lied to so many times and yet I just kept forgiving. My only problem was the forgetting. After nearly a year of my husband going behind my back to talk to other girls, talking sexually with them, telling them he was dreaming of making love to them, telling them he wanted to meet them at a hotel, telling people he was faking our relationship and then faking our marriage, and even 2 weeks after we got married he was still doing it!!!! And then again a few months later he was going to check out their myspace pages still!! BEHIND MY BACK. So yes after all this time and all this stuff, I'm ANGRY. I've been so hurt and he lost all my trust. And now he has been jobless this summer (he was also jobless last year from June 27th till right before thanksgiving!) and now this time from May till just this week he started working again. For this whole time he has probably done less than a dozen individual chores around the house. Here and there. Until his mom told him he should and he did great for a week or two, and then bam! back down to not doing anything. You know, I'm not a major cleaner, but i'm also not completely disgusting. You know I don't HAVE to do dishes everyday if I dont want to, especially when he was home ALL DAY LONG! Ok so now we are at the point where we argue alot. I say things about him calling girls behind my back, and things about him not doing enough around the house, and not being loving to me. He argues back about how I said 'clean slate' and bitch at him all the time about not doing stuff. He cannot get it through his thick skull that me working the majority of our relationship while he sits here at the house and does nearly nothing is very WRONG. I will admit that fighting about it all time is NOT good. I hate it. I hate that Gavin sees it. I hate that I trusted someone who didn't deserve to be trusted. I'm sorry that I let it get as far as it did. I'm sorry that I got angry with him not doing things around the house. I'm sorry I didn't just clean it all myself. I'm sorry I didn't see that he didn't really love me when it was so clear he didn't when he told everyone he didn't and told everyone he was faking everything. He even told new employers and potentials that he was NOT EVEN MARRIED!! And that is just a couple weeks ago!! He told everyone he was going to leave the second he got a job and guess what?! HE DID! Between last night and this morning, it was just one fight too many for both of us. He said last night that counseling would help us and he unpacked his stuff, but then this morning after he went to his interview he came back and started packing. He wants to completely walk away from me and Gavin and never see us again. Some things I did say out of anger, but some I meant. I started getting very ill at the thought of him leaving and my chest hurt and my head was pounding and I screamed at him to leave NOW. I told him to get his stuff later. And he kept refusing. Walking around all smug and uncaring. Snickering and rubbing it in my face. I kept screaming for him to leave. I just needed time to breath and make the chest pain go away and calm down before I could face my husband walking out on me and my son. But NOOOOO, instead he calls the freakin' police! TO MY OWN HOUSE! He told them I wouldn't let him get his stuff and leave. More proof he couldn't care less about me or my son, which by the way WAS HERE THE WHOLE TIME! I was in the bathroom blow drying my hair and he left, without even saying goodbye to me OR Gavin. Just walked out of our lives like he was never there. His phone is no longer on so I can't even text him which is good and bad. I'd probably have texted him a hundred times by now and it's a bad thing because he left a bunch of stuff here so I can't even find out when he will come get the rest of it. I have NO idea how to afford an attorney and it's going to be a rather complicated ordeal now. Well I'm trying to deep breath and relax. I've rearranged all the furniture, cleaned up a storm, and played with Gavin. He can make me smile even when my heart is broken.

Sorry It's been a few days!

I've been super duper busy!! First I did get that job in Henderson!! My first day is next monday! I'm very excited about the opportunities that I'll get there and the what the future may hold for me if I stick around there! I admitted my first patient for them on Friday night! I have alot of work to do on fixing up their paperwork to make it shine and sparkle though. I'm getting more and more excited, getting all my stuff ready to take there. I even dug out all the old home health forms I had designed! My current boss is very sad to see me go. In fact she offered to match the salary that I was offered!! Thats tremendous for this company to offer. BUT it still wouldn't make up for the paid for insurance for me and my husband and the opportunities that are there. Not to mention getting away from some of the things I don't like here!

I got a couple new pairs of scrubs and some nice new sneakers! Tax free weekend sales ROCK! I don't care about the minute tax that you don't get to pay, but the SALES rock! I shopped like ALL day Saturday with Michelle! And we had lunch at applebees and took Gavin to get his hair cut! I'll have to post pics, it's adorable! Short spikey hair now! THat night me and Gavin went to hang out at Michelle's house and played some Wii. It was kinda hard with Gav wanting to go everywhere and getting into stuff and he wouldn't eat without his high chair, so we had to leave pretty early :(. I didn't do any scrapping this weekend which sucks since I usually do when Chris is outta town. But with getting home late friday night after admitting that patient, and shopping all day saturday and going to Michelle's and then went to lunch and shopping again Sunday with my Dad, I was lucky to even get some laundry done!!

Bad thing - my cat that is 4 years old, Julius, ran away sunday night! We looked everywhere and on Monday night we finally found him but he got scared and ran under a house!! I cried! But we had to go home. I knew for sure we had lost him for real then. It was like 5 blocks away, twisting and turning down roads and it was POURING down rain half the night. BUT good news, this morning when we woke up he was sitting on the back porch!!! He is so super smart!! I'm putting shock collars on all the pets now!!! This will never happen again!!

It is hard at work this week to be motivated to do ANYTHING. I've got all my normal work done and I'm just sitting around, playing on the internet and wishing I was at my new job already. I'm bored out of my mind. Normally these slow times are when I make up new plans and go through charts, etc. But just don't have the motivation now! Oh well, the count down has begun!

I was bad and drove thru Andy's yesterday afternoon for a heath and hot fudge custard concrete! YUM YUM! Bad for the arse though!

This is the last week of Summer of Scraplovin' Challenge. :( WAAAAAAA! I'm sure going to miss these challenges. They make me think out of my box! And make me do at least that one project a week. This last week is to do an altered project that is about ME! Yikes!! Two hard challenges in one really! I started something last night and we will see where it goes. If not I'll have to haul ass workin' on another one by Saturday!

Speakin' of Saturday, I'm going to a Stampin' Up Saturday Morning Club. It's the one that MIchelle is hosting at the Stamp Shack, so at least the spendings will go to a good place!! lol. I think i know what I want, but then again i always change my mind! hehehehe.

Well off to do some more boring work......

Thursday 13 - 7th Edition !

Thirteen Unhealthy Things I Love 1. Boneless Buffalo wings - yum yum yum!! 2. Andys Custard - I always get the concrete (which is like a blizzard) with hot fudge and heath chips! Probably a whole weeks calories in one! 3. Brownies - especially fresh out of the oven with ice cream on top! 4. My homeade from scratch chocolate chip heath cookies ! I eat half the dough and then love the cookies! 5. Cookie dough - good ol' raw cookie dough, tubs at a time! Especially while I was prego! I had to carry around a baggy full! LOL 6. Big Ol' pretzels dipped in nacho cheese! Lots of salt! 7. Ice Cream - alllll ice cream - my top favorite dessert of all time. My faves are cookies n cream, mint chocolate chip, and turtles n cream! 8. Chocolate Xtreme Blizzards from Dairy Queen! They finally got it right! 9. Peanut M&M's ! Love taking a big ol' bag to the movie theater (yes I sneak them in my purse!!!!) or a bowl full while I'm scrapping! 10. Chips and Queso - not as bad as some things on here, but I could eat buckets and buckets of the stuff! 11. Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo - allllll the creamy noodle-y goodness ! 12. Bread!! ALL BREAD ALL THE TIME!!! 13. Cream Soda - oooooh yes I love the old schoolness of it!

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Starting another week.......

Sometimes it feels like....what's the point? I feel so miserable at times and mostly for good cause, but still....whats the point....Why do I deal with the things I deal with in the name of love? I don't think I deserve it, maybe I'm wrong and I suck and I deserve it all, but I don't think so. I will no longer tolerate the disrespect, the purposeful humiliation, the uncaring attitude, the so-what-if-it-works actions. I'm tired of fighting for something that apparently I'm the only one who wants. I should be able to depend on this ONE person to have my back and be on my side all the time. I shouldn't have to try to MAKE him love me and support me, it should just be there!

I worked on my SOSL Week 5 layout and finished last night! Here are some pics of it!

Tonights Work.....

Playing with my new Stampin' Up papers I love! :-) I did a silly layout of my son with Stampin Up Jersey Shore Patterned Papers, Target $1 Spot Foam Letters!, Scenic Route Paper (the journaling is on), Spare Parts Pewter brads, Chalk Inked the edges of the papers!

I also made a card. Using more of the Stampin' Up papers, and the cake is a stampin' up stamp, colored with Stampin' Up Writers and Stickled the icing, with a doodlebug brad in the center of the flower! The Happy Birthday is Making Memories alphas. The flowers are Fresh Paint paper flowers and a smidgen of scenic route paper. Stickles take forever to dry!!!

LONG WEEKEND AHEAD OF ME......

Well the guy from that company called me and told me that him and the owner both really loved me and think I'll be a perfect fit in their company! :) He said before I even left the owner was texting him telling him how much he liked me!! They also agreed to the salary I asked for!! OMG!! BUTTTTTTT he said last time they jumped the gun and hired the first person who came in so they want to still think about it over the weekend and talk to the bigger owner before they call me back for sure on monday or tuesday. BUT he said not to worry because they really loved me. hmmmmm, this is going to be a long long long long long weekend!!

Change

I was not even looking for a new job and some how a job fell into my lap. Someone actually went to a friend of mine and talked about a job, and because they like their job, they barely even listened to the offer. BUT she referred them to me!! Told them all about me, so I called them. Not that I was looking, but thought what could it hurt to at least listen to what he has to say? So anyway, I did, and today I talked to him. It seems like a very great place to work. It's a little further drive, but won't really take any longer than it already takes me due to traffic in the morning. I currently go 10 miles to and from work, and it takes like 25 minutes, but it takes longer when school is in session. The new job is 33 miles away but it only takes 35 minutes to get there because I go the back roads, and the complete opposite of most people lol. I currently work 9 to 5 and don't get home till like 5:30. The new job is 8 to 4:30. So I'll be home a tiny bit earlier but I'll have to leave earlier. The current job I get to have lunch with michelle several times a week, but at the new job I wont get to at all. :(. But the job is pretty flexible. Like I asked them about what happens when my son gets sick and they said as long as my job is done it's no big deal if I have to take off when he's sick, or work half day, or even bring him into the office. I've got alot of control at the new place, I get to pick all our forms, OASIS, salaries, hire people, basically set everything up the way I would like it to be run. He said he won't step on my toes because he is not a nurse, I'll be in charge of that, but he will be there to back me up. The place I'm currently a SAYS I can do all of this, but undermines me left and right and I basically have NO power. I really like what I'm learning about this new place. I'm waiting on him to give me a salary offer and I'll see if it's worth the move. But they have already said money is not an issue because they have some major backers. :). I'm super excited! I'll keep ya informed!

Thursday 13 - 6th Edition

Thirteen Quotes I Love 1. "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." — Abraham Lincoln 2. "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." — Mark Twain 3. "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." -Les Brown 4. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." — Dr. Seuss 5. "If you can imagine it,You can achieve it.If you can dream it,You can become it." -William Arthur Ward 6. "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep." -Scott Adams 7. "Music is what feelings sound like." — Author unknown 8. "Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere." — Albert Einstein 9. "Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much." — Oscar Wilde 10. "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.' " — C.S. Lewis 11. "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." — Ralph Waldo Emerson 12. "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." — Friedrich Nietzsche 13. "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. " — Mahatma Gandhi

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Climbing and Art

Yesterday Gavin learned to climb the stairs! He went from the morning going up 3 steps, to by bed time he got to the top of the stairs!! Full of sick gasping feelings for Mommy for sure!! Gotta put the gate up now so he can't go up there! Feels like we gate everything off, we have two gates blocking entrances to kitchen and close the scrappy room and bathroom doors, but now we gotta gate off the stairs lol. It's a pain!

I also did my SOSL week #4 challenge which was very different for me! It was to alter something that would be out on display, like the back of a picture frame, cardboard, a canvas or something. I chose a canvas and went to work! I really love how it turned out and can't wait to hang it up! I love the challenges over at Scraplove!!

Tonight I went to a Stampin' Up Tile Class at The Stamp Shack with Christie and had so much fun! She is super cool and it's so laid back over there! I made two tiles that I'll post here too! Andme and Michelle joined the Tile Club so there will be many more tiles to come! One for my desk at work, and one for home this time!

Lazy Weekend....

This week Ethan went home. :(. We were super sad to see him go, it will be so different without him here everyday. Maggie will be lonely for sure! And who will have crafttime with me? Waaaa! Thursday night I used some money my Dad gave me last weekend to go to Buffalo Wild Wings with Chris, Gavin, Michelle, Kris, and Garrett. :) It was nice to do something with them and nice to go out, even if it was on a week night!! Plus I knew Chris was kinda down cause that was the day he took Ethan home. Anywho....after work friday we hit wal-mart for our every other week grocery shoppin' to get it over with and rented a movie. Meet the Spartans - funny for sure! Kinda over the top, but funny nonetheless! Saturday we let my mom and Gordon babysit so we could go to the theater to see The Dark Knight. It was pretty good, but LONG! Good thing we snuck in those m&m's and skittles. heheheheh. And we got some cute photo booth pics for me to scrapbook soon! The rest of the day was spent chillin' out, got a nap in too. Gavin's 3rd and 4th tooth are still only half out! lol, they are slow! This morning when we woke up Gavin was BUTT NAKED! His diaper was on the floor outside of the crib and there was pooooooop everywhere! LOL. Fun times! I scrapped one page last night and I'll post it here. Now we are getting ready to go have lunch with my Dad at Applebee's. Then home, maybe another nap, AND scrapping!! I can't wait to do week 4 challenge on Summer of Scraplove Challenge. :) The earlier they post the challenge, I might actually get to spend alot of time working on it today! Talk to ya soon!

Friend or Not?

Starting new friendships has never been my forte. Don't get me wrong, once I have a friend, I'm a great friend! I will do absolutely anything for my friends, especially my best friend in the whole world Michelle. Because I don't make friends easily, because I think most women are just venegeful people users, I hold tight to the ones I find worth having a friendship with. I had 2 best friends in nursing school, one just got busy in her own life and we stopped talking. The other one calls every once in awhile but it gets farther and farther in between. It's just when I fit into her life that she calls, even though I've gone above and beyond with her to ensure I got to see her. But thats history, water under the bridge, now. TRUE best friends can't go that long without talking! I have had lots of 'friends' that were just there in that one part of my life and then when I moved on or they did we just stopped being friends. So not real friendship in my opinion. Then I worked at a place for a long time and met lots of great people there (or so I thought). But slowly, as they all left that job, and I stayed, our friendships became not so important to them. I still thought some of them were my friends but when I gave them a chance, they just abused our friendship and then proved we were never really friends in the first place. My husband said he knew they weren't my real friends, or they would have been around more and cared more. I guess he was right. I just hate being sooooo wrong about people. I guess in some areas I trust too much. So here I am, once again a victim of misplaced friendship. Oh well, I just had to write about it, to get it off my chest because it really bothers me. I guess I will stick with the one person in the world I trust will always be my best friend, will never use me, and will always be there when I need her, MICHELLE! She is the definition of a true best friend. And funny/great thing about it is we are SOOOO alike and she agrees with me on this because she has been in the same boat, and she knows our friendship is one in a million! Love ya girl!!

Thursday 13 - 5th Edition

Thirteen Things I would Do if I won the LOTTERY! 1. Redo the kitchen, bathrooms, and carpet in my house and finish the attic into a room and then RENT IT OUT! 2. Build the coolest green house me and Chris can dream up!! On a big piece of land with a creek and woods! 3. Take a leave of absence from work and go on a world travel trip with Chris and Gavin of course. And have my mom and Gordon meet us in one country and in one country fly Michelle, Kris and Garrett over! 4. Use all the money we need to to fight for custody of Ethan, my stepson. 5. A little plastic surgery for fun - breast lift, tummy tuck, some laser hair removal so i never have to shave my legs or underarms again! And start tanning and getting my nails done again! 6. Laser eye surgery ASAP! 7. Buy my husband Chris any motorcycle he wants. 8. Buy me, Chris, Ethan, and Gavin all 4 wheelers and then an extra for company! And other recreational vehicles including an RV for all our trips, jet skis, and a boat!! 9. My mom gets 200,000 to build a house, and so does my dad. 10. My sister will get a trust fund of 200,000 to be given to her when she graduates from college. 11. Trust funds will be started for Gavin and for Ethan each of 200,000 payable to them when they graduate from college also! 12. Two trips for just me and Michelle! One to New York for shopping and fun, and the other a scrapbooking cruise!! 13. Last but not least I would open my own business to guarrantee long term income. Not sure which though, it would either be an Assisted Living facility to have all my favorite patients come live in! Or a Scrapbook store, local and online! It will depend on if I decide I wanna really WORK or just play all day! LOL

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SOSL Challenge #3

It took me several days, since sunday to finish this weeks challenge. I had to keep walking away and coming back to it till I liked it. Now I do. LOL. Anal yes. And here are a few Gav pics from this week! And my other baby in th highchair. :D.

The Weekend

Last week I finished my SOSL #2 Challenge Layout. It was a challenge to use at least 3 non-scrappy items on your page. Here is my layout!!

I used lots of non-scrappy items including - name badge from nursing school, student ID, patch from my lab coat, paper lunch sack, rubber, and notebook paper for the journaling. The rubber band is holding down about 4 sheets of torn notebook paper with journaling. I loved working on this one. Chris and Ethan went and spent the weekend at the farm and me and Gavin stayed home. Friday night me and Gavin just chilled out and when he went to bed I watched all my recorded soaps from the week! lol. Saturday I watched alot of chic movies and stuff I had recorded, cleaned little house and then Saturday night me and Michelle went to see Mama Mia and then went to STampo at the Stamp Shack! It was a blast! I can't wait to do more things over at the Stamp Shack, the lady that owns it, Christie is very nice and soooo personable! Sunday I went to lunch and Sams with my dad and sister and Gavin. We went to Newk's. I love that place lol. And I spent the rest of the afternoon chillin' with Gavin and nappin' when he napped. :D. And finally I got to do some scrapbooking last night after Chris got home. I've been so tired lately I just hate it. I get a decent amount of sleep and I'm still so fatigued all the time. I wish I had more energy. Well I'm off to blow dry my hair so I can maybe get some scrapping done before bedtime!

Thursday Thirteen 4th Edition

Thirteen Women I'd Rather Look Like! 1.Katherine Heigl - because she is sooooo glamourously cute. Is that an adequate descriptor?! 2. Sara Ramirez - Making curvy look much better than I can! 3. Jennifer Love Hewitt - she is so cute! I wish I could look that good and natural wearing dresses everyday! 4. Britney SPears - I will forever love the PRE trashed-out-crazy-brit. 5. Catherine Zeta Jones - I hope I look that good when I get that old! 6. Marilyn Monroe - Talk about classic beauty! Back in the days when curvy was cool not bone thin rail nasty chics 7. Angelina Jolie - so pretty nowadays! Maybe it's the whole save the world attitude she has. THough I'm not a fan of her old trashy days. 8. Kate Winslet - when she was in Titanic! Pretty! And I was born in the wrong decade, I woulda loved wearing those pretty dresses back then! 9. Drew Barrymore - adorably cute beautiful! If I can't be just classically stunning couldn't I have been at least adorably cute beautiful?! 10. Chelsie Hightower - She is the most adorable thing! ANd man I wish I could dance like that! 11. Katharine McPhee - I love all that gorgeous dark hair! And damn I wish I had her legs! 12. Kate Beckinsale - I thought she was adorably cute in Serendipity and siren hot in the underworld and van helsing! I'd LOVE to be her hot momma butt! 13. Katie Holmes - SHe is so cute! I love when she dresses all classic high class beautiful!

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